fear, flee, freeze, fight

Anger is a secondary emotion. It acts as a protective shield or defensive response triggered by a more vulnerable primary feeling—fear.

I admit, I act tough. I enter a pain cave. I do hard things.

I know it’s a facade.

I know it comes off as me being brave by starting Summer Camp Project.

It’s true. I’m also scared shitless.

I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid no one will believe in me. I’m afraid that what I write here will bite me in the ass later.

I also fear that if I don’t do this now, when?

How many other kids are experiencing what I’ve experienced?

I consider myself and my brothers lucky.

When I was 13, I secured us a placement without having to enter the foster care system. More on that later.

And considering that less kids are entering foster care, there’s a population upstream, with heavy feelings brewing. They’re not obvious, because these very kids, they’re on the edge of systems.

They’re joining gangs. They’re immigrants. They’ve run away from home. They’re seeking camaraderie, a sense of belonging, purpose, and a place to act out on their anger.

The anger needs a container outside of themselves.

Last year, a white father whose Asian son died in a police-gang shootout came to me looking for somewhere to honor him.

His brothers were each getting an inheritance. What this father wanted was for somewhere for the rest of it to go, in memory of his dead boy.

We’ll know where to find these very kids when they get involved in the juvenile justice system, which sets a precedence for recidivism and ultimately they re-enter the criminal justice system.

Flee or freeze. Fear stems from a loss of control, or uncertainty.

Anger prepares us to fight. It provides energy, assertiveness, and a sense of empowerment that covers up the underlying feeling of being unsafe or threatened.

Fear is not the only underlying emotion. Beneath anger, one may also find feelings of sadness, shame, rejection, or frustration.

Anger is what got me here.

Anger is the emotion that's pushing me to move and do something about it.

I drove with anger to see my dad. I started The Summer Camp Project scared.

The anger is the thing that moved me when the fear would otherwise make me freeze. Channeling fear into anger, anger into action, and that momentum into something useful.

I’m giving anger somewhere to go.

That somewhere is the Summer Camp Project.