the gray area

Having kids and having the means to raise them is absolutely a privilege.

In February 2023, I went to visit my biological mom in Fort Stockton, TX.

She'd work at the nail shop during the day. In the afternoons and evenings, we'd cook together — goat curry, bún riêu. Food is my love language. It's also the most sure way to know if your Asian parents love you. You'll never hear them say it. It comes through food.

I went to get to know her — and to help her get her U.S. citizenship. After 36 years of calling this country home, it was time to make it official. She secured it in December 2025, just before the immigration crackdown. The process took nearly two years.

I asked her hard questions.

"Why did you keep having babies if you knew we couldn't afford another mouth to feed?"

She never knew about contraceptives. Like my biological dad, she dropped out of grade school in Vietnam. Uneducated, deeply Catholic, deeply Vietnamese — a culture where having children is the highest duty. Contraception was never an option her faith allowed.

She had an abortion because she believed it meant a better life for the kids she already had. Her family values superseded her religious ones. That decision has haunted her.

Being in the gray area is not taking a side. It’s about having empathy. Sometimes people have to make life-altering decisions in an instant, and out of whatever resources, ability, and wisdom they have at that point in their life.

Having choices is another privilege. Most people can only dream of having more than one opportunity... and some kids just need a chance.